Panic attacks, anxiety, depression! What’s it to you?
I briefly mentioned in a couple of my other posts about the different disabilities I suffer from. Mental and physical! I have received questions about this and wanted to open up to you. Talk to you about a couple of mental health struggles I deal with. Panic attacks, anxiety and depression! This will be a 2 part post.
***Please stay tuned for tomorrow’s post!
Part 2 of Panic attacks, anxiety, and depression!***
When it started
I have been suffering from panic attacks since I was in kid. Although the first one I truly remember was when I was about 15. I was at the mall with my mom. It was day time and there was a lot of people. People everywhere. So many people, I couldn’t breath. I felt like I was gasping for air. My chest was on fire and my body was tingling. Then everything went black. I remember telling my mom that something was wrong and calling the feeling I had “Hot f*in tinkles”. (She thought the description was weird and actually wrote it down in her planner so she can talk to my doctor about it). I don’t really remember anything else about that day.
I couldn’t comprehend what had happened, what made me have that feeling.
Started getting more frequent
After that day, the panic attacks came more frequently. Whether it happened in the middle of school, or in the middle of a store. Or just hanging out with my friends at the park. They started to disrupt my life. I felt like I couldn’t go anywhere without having an attack. If I can just stay home where no one is around I would be ok.
Disrupting my daily life
Eventually I started becoming a hermit. I would stay home and wallow in my pity while my friends are out having a good time. Going out to eat, to parties, even to those all age clubs they used to have in the 90’s. Always made an excuse not to go. Eventually I became depressed and angry. I felt as if I didn’t have anything to live for. I started not caring. About myself or anyone else.
Losing my friends
One by one my friends weren’t there. They were living their lives and I was home. Alone. Miserable.
I need help
Day after day the anxiety and depression got worse. I was on a one track rollercoaster of emotions and I couldn’t get off. At 19-year-old I finally went to seek help. I was diagnosed with Obsessive-compulsive disorder, Social & General Anxiety, and Major Depression. And for my prize of being so “f*ed up” I got prescriptions for pills. Yay! NOT!
I was never one to take pills. I actually hate taking any type of medicine. Even more so now, than when I was younger. Especially after watching my sisters fight! So I decided to start looking into alternative ways to help with my anxiety and depression. I started going to therapy. Cognitive behavior therapy. It helped. Not enough, but it was working. I needed something more.
I started to smoke cigarettes. My mom, sister, and stepdad all smoked. They didn’t have the problems I did. Maybe smoking cigarettes will help. THAT WAS A BIG FAT FAIL!. I am still smoking 17 years later. It’s a horrible gross disgusting habit that I need to work on cutting.
Drugs and alcohol
Thanks to my sister and learning from her mistakes I stayed away from both.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post on what I finally got to help with my mental health!
Talk to me
Do you or someone you know suffer from depression or anxiety?
How about panic attacks?
What have you tried to overcome your fears?
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Please stay tuned for tomorrow’s post!
Part 2 of Panic attacks, anxiety, and depression!
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression.
There is help!